


Drawing the Star

by katherine_tag



Category: Carnivale
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Femslash, Future Fic, Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:39:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherine_tag/pseuds/katherine_tag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sofie and Libby meet again.  [AU after around the middle of Season 2, Episode 2 "Alamogordo, NM"]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawing the Star

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Milla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milla/gifts).



> An explanation of the Star tarot card can be found here: http://www.ata-tarot.com/resource/cards/

_She was lost. She was lost, and she was walking away. The flames were behind her now, and that's all that mattered. One foot in front of the other, her feet enveloped in the velvet dust of the road. She couldn't remember where she had come from._

Sometimes there were cars, lights and noise and harsh voices. She ignored them, staring intently at the road ahead of her. If she just went a few steps further, she would find her way. The path would be clear, but she had to focus. It would be dark soon, and she had to find her way before the sun went down, or she would be lost forever.

For the first time in her life, her mother was silent. It frightened her. But she couldn't hear anything above the roar of the flames behind her. If she found the path, her mother would talk to her again. She would explain everything.

\---

"Good Lord, Sofie, is that really you?"

Sofie turned at the sound of the incredulous voice. She took in the immaculate skirt and jacket, the curled shoulder length brown hair, the hat perched on top. "Libby?" she said.

Libby broke into a sunny smile, open as it ever was. "It is you!" she said.

Seeing her smile still made Sofie feel like the sun had come out after a week of rain. "I can't believe it," she said, tucking a strand of her still unfashionably short hair behind her ear.

"Where did you go?" Libby asked, her smile fading. "Samson had us looking for days. We never found you or Lodz." She ducked her head. "I thought you mighta offed yourself, after your momma, you know."

"I just ... had to go," Sofie said. She had walked straight into a town that day, a journey she had no memory of. She had ended up on the front steps of a church where the pastor's wife took pity on her and took her in. She had stayed there for months, hiding in the back bedroom, cleaning the parsonage and the church for her room and board.

They had never asked her where she had come from, and she had never told them. Eventually her nightmares of the fire had faded, replaced with vague premonitions of black eyed men, and then there were no dreams at all. She preferred not to think of those days.

"What are the chances of me running into you here, of all places?" Libby said. She touched Sofie's arm, moving them off to one side of the one room post office.

"I can't believe it," Sofie said again. In the past six years, she had been to as many towns. California, Nevada, Idaho, it didn't seem to matter. It seemed like no matter how many years and how many miles she put between herself and the Carnivale, it was still in her blood.

She flinched at the thought. "Is the Carnivale in town?" she asked.

Shaking her head, Libby said, "Nah, I split years ago. Went to Hollywood like I wanted. You can see that turned out swell." Her eyes twinkled with humor.

Sofie breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you weren't gonna rest until your name was up in lights," she teased, falling into an easy camaraderie she hadn't felt in years, though, as always with thoughts of Libby, there was a bitter pang from their shared, painful history.

"Things is hard, with the war on," Libby said. "Thought I'd try my luck in New York this time."

Sofie raised her eyebrows. "By way of Montana?" she asked.

Libby shrugged. "You know how it is," she said. "Catch as catch can. I gotta work my way across the country, same as anyone. Let me buy you a cup of coffee?" She jerked her head at the small diner across the street from the post office.

Sofie hesitated. She had just come in to buy some stamps for Mrs. Roberts, her employer. She cleaned for the Roberts once a week, as well as a few other families in town. The work was fine, as was the town, but lately she had been feeling restless again.

"I need to drop these off for Mrs. Roberts first," she said, holding up the wax paper envelope of stamps. "Then I'll be done for the day."

"I'll walk with you," Libby said, and linked their arms.

They walked out into the humid air in tandem step. Libby was uncharacteristically silent as she let Sofie lead the way to the Roberts' house. Of course, Sofie thought, she didn't really know what Libby was like any more. It had been almost ten years since they had seen each other last.

At the time, she hadn't regretted leaving the Carnivale. With her mother dead and her relationships with both Jonesy and Libby in shambles, there was nothing to make her want to go back. She felt her cheeks heat up as she remembered how she had treated them both. She had felt so righteous back then, so betrayed. She wondered, not for the first time, what had happened to everyone else. Whether they had moved on, or stayed, and what they were doing now.

She bit her lip against the urge to ask about Jonesy. Libby may not have kept in touch with everyone, though Sofie couldn't imagine Rita Sue letting her go off on her own without keeping tabs. She couldn't imagine Stumpy would have been too happy about it either.

Libby's arm was warm against her side, her fingers gripping Sofie's forearm lightly. Sofie cast a sidelong look at her face, but she couldn't read Libby's expression. Her hair was curling in soft waves over her shoulders, and Sofie could remember what it felt like under her fingers, fragile and a little stiff from the blonde dye. She remembered how the skin of Libby's throat had tasted like the alcohol from her perfume.

"Not much goin' on in this place, is there?" Libby said finally, the corners of her mouth turning up in a wry smile.

"Nope," Sofie agreed. She had tried the big city, but she didn't feel comfortable there in the press of so many strangers. Anonymity suited her, but she still wanted the comfort of familiar faces. "Movie theater just got put in next town over, though," she added.

"That's nice, then," Libby said. "Remember that theater in ..." she trailed off.

_Babylon_, Sofie thought. "Yeah," she said. She squeezed Libby's arm close, bumping their shoulders together.

They stopped at the gate blocking the way to the Roberts' front walk. The house was the epitome of normal - a two story ranch style house with a front garden, even a white picket fence. The path from the sidewalk led up to a short staircase connected to a wide, screened in front porch.

"Nice place," Libby said.

Sofie couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Neither of them had grown up wanting something like this, with such deep roots. They both envied and despised the 'townies' for their steadfast, unchanging lifestyles. Although growing up in the Carnivale had been normal for both of them, they had also been acutely aware of how their childhood had seemed to outsiders.

In some ways, it was a relief to see Libby. She didn't have to explain herself, didn't have to tell the story of how she grew up or why. Libby understood already, because Libby had been there too. They could relate on a level that no townie could hope to comprehend.

"Do you mind waiting here?" she asked, disentangling their arms.

Libby shook her head. "I'll be smelling the roses," she said.

Sofie smiled to herself as she opened the gate. She took the porch steps two at a time, handed over the stamps and the change, and politely declined Mrs. Roberts' offer of tea, as she always did. This time, though, she added, "I've got a friend waiting for me," and nodded toward the front door.

Mrs. Roberts smiled at her fondly. "That's lovely, dear," she said, moving so that she could peer out of the front window to see Libby standing with her hands behind her back, examining her flower beds. "You girls have a nice afternoon, now."

"Thanks, Mrs. Roberts," Sofie said, and escaped out the door.

Libby looked up at the noise of the door shutting and grinned. "Coffee?" she asked. Her earlier quiet mood seemed to have faded, and she was more like the chatty Libby Sofie remembered from her last year at the Carnivale.

Libby didn't link their arms again on the way back to town, but they did walk close enough that the backs of their hands just brushed together, once too often for it to be an accident. Sofie felt her cheeks heat up again, and she didn't dare look over as Libby talked animatedly about the drive over the Sierra Nevada mountains.

The bell above the door to the diner jangled as they went through. There were a few regulars scattered around, but mostly the place was empty in the afternoon, too late for lunch and too early for dinner. They slid into a booth facing each other. Sofie nodded at the waitress, and she brought her steaming pot of coffee over, turning their cups right side up and pouring with a practiced hand.

"Anything else I can get you two?" she asked. Her name tag said Mae.

"Not right now, thank you," Libby said. She spooned some sugar into her coffee and stirred it, the metal spoon clanking against the porcelain of the mug. She had taken her gloves off when they had sat down, and Sofie caught a glint of gold on her left hand.

"Libby," she said, her stomach inexplicably turning, "did you get married?"

"Oh." Libby put down her spoon and pulled her hands into her lap, biting her lip. "Yeah." She wouldn't meet Sofie's eyes as she said in a rush, "Me'n' Jonesy got hitched after you left."

The familiar shame welled up. "I see," she said, dropping her gaze to the cracked surface of the table. "Is he here now?"

"Sofie, don't be mad," Libby said.

"I ain't mad," Sofie said. She had ruined her chances with Jonesy, and he and Libby both deserved to be happy. They were probably happier without her in their lives, she thought, and was surprised at the lack of bitterness behind it.

"He ... died," Libby said. She took a sip of her coffee, but Sofie noticed she kept her left hand hidden from view.

The bottom dropped out of Sofie's stomach. "Oh, Lib," she said.

Libby nodded, pressing her lips together. "There was an accident, on the ferris wheel," she said quietly. "Some of the town folk blamed Clayton for what had happened. They took us out into the desert. They made me watch." She stopped there, her eyes wet.

Sofie stretched her hand across the table to touch Libby's where it was wrapped tightly around her coffee cup. "I'm so sorry," she said.

"I couldn't stay after that, not after losing you too," Libby said, and shrugged.

They both sipped their coffee. Sofie thought about Jonesy, his kind eyes and his slow smile that made her feel as though he had saved it up all day just for her. She thought about what he had said about being sorry, and couldn't help but be sorry those were the last words they had said to each other. She thought that maybe the whole damn world was sorrier without him in it.

"And you?" Libby asked almost tentatively. "Did you ever?"

"Nope," Sofie said, shaking her head. "Can't stay in one place long enough to set down roots."

"I hear that," Libby said. She tapped her spoon on the saucer. "Life sure was simpler when home was wherever we pitched our tent."

"World sure was smaller," Sofie agreed.

Mae came over to refill their cups. "You sure y'all don't want a piece of pie?" she asked. "We've got blueberry today."

Libby's eyes lit up. "Lord, I haven't had blueberry pie in a dog's age," she said. "Split it with me?" she asked Sofie.

Sofie nodded and soon Mae clunked down a generous slice of pie along with two forks. "You girls enjoy now," she said, slipping their check under the plate.

"Thanks." Libby picked up a fork and sectioned off a bite. The purple-blue syrup slowly spread across the white plate.

They shared the pie in silence. Sofie squished a blueberry between the roof of her mouth and her tongue and wished she knew what to say to makes things better, easier between them. She felt like it was all right so long as neither of them really thought about what had happened.

Libby gave her fork one last lick and said, "Well, I guess I should get going." She crossed her arms in front of her, looking suddenly vulnerable.

"You heading out tonight?" Sofie asked, surprised.

"Truth be told," Libby said, "I was hoping I could find a johnny to put me up for a while."

"Stay with me," Sofie said impulsively.

Libby had pulled out a change purse and was counting coins. She dropped a dime on the table. It spun in place, rattling against the hard surface. "Really?" she asked.

Sofie smiled. "Yeah, really," she said.

\---

Libby's kisses were hesitant, as if she wondered if Sofie would pull back again, would speak angry words and leave her naked and vulnerable. Sofie tried to convey, with her lips on Libby's collarbone, with her hands tracing the shape of Libby's spine, that she wanted this; she had always wanted this. She whispered words against the tender skin of Libby's inner thigh, and felt her tremble around her fingers. Libby gasped and came apart underneath her, and Sofie's world righted itself with the taste of Libby's pleasure spread across her tongue.

"You ever think about going back?" Libby asked afterward. Her breath was soft and warm on Sofie's neck.

Sofie shook her head, knowing Libby would feel the motion. "Not in a long time," she said.

"I do, sometimes," Libby confessed. Her fingers moved softly over the skin of Sofie's hip, back and forth. "It's lonely out here. With no one to look for you if you're gone."

Sofie pressed a kiss to the top of Libby's head. "You found me," she said.


End file.
